Monday, October 22, 2012

Love at first.... nevermind....

It has been a while!  And I'm not so sure I'm going to keep this blogging thing up.  I don't really think people read it much, and I don't see how it will become more interesting.  After all, once the doctoral thing picks back up, I will be exhausted and cranky.  Who wants to read that?  So either I need to morph it, or lose it altogether.

But in the meanwhile- quick update:  I am inactive as a doctoral student until January.  The first week back to work in the new job (where I work at 2 high schools) I realized there was no way I could do all of this and survive.  I e-mailed the university, and they kindly placed me on "inactive" until January.  I have until 2022 to finish all of this, and while I certainly do not wish to take that long, I also need to survive.  So, a leave for half of the school year seemed like the right thing to do.  And, I'm glad I did it. 

Well, the truth is, I love blogs.  I love to read other people's blogs more so than writing my own (hence the massive lag in entries).  When I write my own, I fret over pretentiousness, supermom complex (or the opposite), boringness, bad grammar, the list could go on.  When I read other people's blogs, I just enjoy them. 

Recently, I've read two fabulous entries on meeting husbands... here's one:  She calls it "The Myth of "The One.'"  Then, within a few weeks, someone I went to college with and now keep in touch with over facebook posted this one, called "The Last Five Years."  You can view it here:  It got me thinking about meeting my hubs.

Well, I haven't outright mentioned yet that I'm a Christian.  Not that I was holding it back or anything.  I just wanted to show that people of faith are also normal people.  But then I realized, that's just silly, because no one has EVER accused me of being normal in my life!  Moving on, then....

Eight years ago, I graduated from college.  I was going into teaching, but needed a summer job.  I started working with my friend at a gym.  She worked in cardiac rehab, while I was a lowly temporary receptionist.  Speaking of that friend... she has a beautiful blog too!  Check it out here:  (Who wants to guess that I haven't taken my ritalin in a few days!?!?!).  So, I took that job at the gym.  After graudation, I spent a week in New York at the wedding of two of my dear friends.  Soon after that, another two friends got engaged.  Some people might be sitting in shock right now, as this seems like a very young age for all of these weddings.  However, in the Christian community, we wed young if we can help it!  Some people blame the celibacy thing, but there's more to it than that (but don't get me wrong, we all wish to procreate, yes? Or at least practice...)

I had pretty much resigned myself to singleness.  After all, if I hadn't found someone in my same Jesus boat in college, the idea of doing so in the real world seemed pretty slim.  So, I go to work at the gym, and I'm shocked by all the "men" there, successful in their careers, and, well, they are personal trainers after all... so I need not go on.  One guy caught my eye.  He was kind, a little on the hyper side (like you should be surprised), and a super hard worker.  I was not at all like, "I want you I need you oh baby oh baby..."  I was more intrigued. 

Of course, I could NEVER ask a guy out, so my friend just told him that if perhaps he was interested, he could feel free to ask me out because I would say yes (does this sound like middle school to you?  sorry....).  Anyway, he started bringing me coffee, and then he did ask me out.  And I can only describe our first date with one word: intrigue.  I wasn't in love at all, I wasn't even totally in "like."  I was just intrigued.  I wanted to know more about him, and spend more time with him.  Love at first sight was not the case at all.  I was just interested.

Over time, that interest became love.  I think it was around date 4 or 5 that I had to drop the "I do not believe in premarital sex" bomb on him.  That was interesting, to say the least.  He took it like a champ though.  The timeline looked like this:  We met in May of 2004, had our first date in July of 2004, got engaged in October of 2004, and Married in July of 2005.  Sure, this supports the whole "Christians get married too fast" theory, but the truth is, I'm a teacher, so we had to have a summer wedding.  So it was either get married next summer or wait almost 2 years.  So we just got married!  Our love is a love of comfort.  When we decided to get married, it wasn't "ahhh! I am so in love with him!!!"  I mean, I was, and I am.  I'm crazy about him.  But it was more like, "In 20 years, I want to look up from my dinner, and still see him.  In 20 years, and also for forever." 

So does love at first sight exist?  I'm sure it does.  I fell in love with figure skating at first experience.  I still love it to this day.  But the love I know and trust is the one that is comfortable.  People talk about "getting too comfortable."  I know that has a completely different context.  But life is hard, things change, and overall, there is little you can count on.  Maybe loving your spouse comfortably is something that you can actually count on.  And he still intrigues me.  Sometimes it is intrigue such as, "you looked over your shoulder yet STILL whacked our neighbor's car? That intrigues me!" Or, "Interesting that the sign said 30, you drove 50, and you are shocked by the ticket!?!?  Interesting..."  But other times, it is intrigue at the way he can get our children to behave.  He gets into their heads almost, and makes a game out of it, where I would just be like, "You have to behave because you have to behave.  End of story."  And comfort.  He's not going to send me flowers at work (I have girlfriends who do that anyway), but he will make sure that I know he thinks I'm pretty in my ripped jeans and old tee shirt, and he'll make sure that he always asks about my day.  He's cool like that.  He may work an insane amount of hours each week, but when he's here, he's here.  He's ours.  The way our children light up when he gets home is a gift.  We are all better people because of him.  So much of life is spent trying to keep up with an image, or with expectations that are unrealistic (helloooo teaching, helloooo corporate America).  I see nothing wrong with a comfortable, interesting kind of love.  Maybe it keeps me grounded.

So if there is a lesson in all of this, I'd say we should rejoice in comfort, and if you haven't found the right person yet, let go of love at first sight.  Be painfully practical.  It just might work. But hey, what do I know?


  1. I really enjoyed reading this post. It's been difficult to put my 8 year relationship to words, but this covers a good portion of it. I can totally relate to the feeling of a comfortable love. :)