On Quitting (Caffeinated) Coffee, and Starting Ritalin

Quitting caffeine stinks--no two ways about that.  Sure, I gave it up when I was pregnant with my kids, but when I was pregnant, particularly with #1, I didn't have anyone to chase around or get me up early (besides my job), so it wasn't so much the dependency that it had come to be as of late. Anyhow, in order to maintain doctor's requests, I dropped the caffeine and swapped it for Ritalin.  That first week was nasty, nasty.  FOUR DAYS of headaches.  But after taking Advil around the clock, they subsided. I've been caffeine-free for about two weeks now, maybe close to 3.

A colleague and friend commented to me today that I look very "professorial" since I have started my doctoral program.  This was such a nice compliment, to which I replied, "It's probably the Ritalin."  Now, I don't want to get all "where have you been all my life" on you... but in all honesty, I started taking Ritalin and it was like, "Ohhhhh, so this is how normal people feel!"  Apparently, feeling like you are literally going to crawl out of your skin anytime you have to sit and focus for more than a few minutes is actually not normal.  Know what else isn't normal?  When your to-do list gets over 2 pages long, and then when you look at it, you go load the dishwasher instead of working to shorten it.  And finally, when given twenty minutes to work, it is not normal to waste fifteen of it straightening your classroom when you have 60 essays to grade. I'm just saying.  After 29 years of living that way, I finally got a taste of how life can be with the ability to sustain focus. 

Obviously, I could get over these hurdles, as I did graduate from undergraduate and graduate school with a less-than-shabby GPA, but everything was done under extreme pressure.  So did I procrastinate? Yes.  I had to be down to the wire to produce work.  Problem was, on the wire---I produced mighty fine work.  But now that I have 2 kids, husband, full-time job, and doctoral student workload--- I couldn't do the "wire" anymore.  Not while maintaining sanity anyhow, which is a definite priority, even to she who has the attention span of a fly.

This week, assignment 2 week, I spaced my reading out and worked a little every day.  For most of the population, this is a no-brainer.  For me, this was like magic.  I finally can see how to prioritize my life.  Tonight, I am typing up answers to questions that aren't "due" till Monday.  And to top it all off, I know exactly what I am teaching every day of next week. This is lots of people's "normal."  But for me, it is totally new.

To some, there is a misconception of Ritalin being similar to speed.  For me, this was not the case.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I feel very calm on Ritalin.  Calm and focused.  I see a to-do list, I prioritize, and I work.  I don't need eighteen million post-it notes just to remember to do my job.  I can think more clearly, my anxiety levels are extremely low, and I have found my normalcy.  I like it here.



In other news, discussion #1 is Monday... I'll let ya know how that goes...